A Collection of Thoughts 4/22/16-5/4/16

i am so lucky to see the things i see

things move so fast and things move so slow at the same time.
i know i will not be drowned in the undertow.

why do I slow down when I taste success?

you are already glorious, you do not need another to make you feel that, to remind you.

mental disorders do not define you; they are only a tiny part of the great big entity that makes you, you.

you deserve a love that's as big as the one within you.

it's okay to be 'alone', because you are never truly without someone that loves you. you have the  prismatic you that is yourself, the nature around you is looking out for you too. if the earth didn't love you, why would it still light up the sky in a spectrum so that something other-worldly, something so beautiful it's almost fiction, is the first thing you see before you go to bed and when you wake up? if it didn't love you, why would it work so hard to show you hope?

i live for the beauty all people contain, that beauty inside that's an enigma, a supernova with all the intricacies of them within themselves. a person's soul is like a garden with the passion of an ocean and the reflections of gold and onyx and sapphires and opals; I know that's quite abstract but it's the only way I can think to describe a soul.
 I think it's an odd metaphor because people are not all the same and superbly complex and that's something to respect.

no one can tell you what to weigh, as if that dictates your worth. take up as much space, both literally and metaphorically. It's an honor for anyone to witness you, both body and soul.

we've got to do what we can while we can. the world is waiting for our talents, our truths, our stories, our passions, our love.
you deserve to do what you love, and it's selfish to not share your grandness with the world.

take pride in you, all of you, every last milliliter of that indescribable you.

-t.c.

Ways to Help Cope with OCD and Trichotillomania/ My Experience

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Trichotillomania is something that faces a lot of erasure and stigma in society I think. Often times, when OCD is shown in the media it's some person that just likes to keep their desk organized for no other reason than that, and is like "Oh my gosh, I'm so OCD!!!!!!!!!!!!" or a character is shown to have symptoms but the disorder is never mentioned, it is only said that the character is having a breakdown. Trichotillomania is very rarely mentioned in the media, which is partially because it can be triggering for some individuals, but no education is ever presented on the subject. Both of those do harm to people with OCD and/or Trich and the people without; the people with the disorders are left feeling alienated because all we see are surface level explanations and inaccurate, isolation depictions, those that do have the disorders but are not aware still won't know what is happening to them and feel so alone, and the people that do not will not know how to empathize and care for people with the disorder because they do not know what it is. OCD and Trich ravages your mind with worry and often times leaves one scared of themselves and the whole world, but please know you have no reason to be so full of fear. My family hasn't allowed me to see a therapist for my disorders (but please, if you are able to, speak to a professional), and these are the things I have learned taking care of myself, I hope they help you.

• Accept your emotions, address them, and Check in with your self

I think the turning point for me, in which my OCD and trichotillomania started to not be so severe, was when I started to accept my emotions, and know that the scary thoughts and OCD episodes (I guess that’s what you would call them?) are going to happen, so the only thing I can do is work on getting them to happen less. For  a long long time, I tried to block out a lot of my emotions because I thought that that would stop  all the unwanted thoughts, ritual behavior and unending panic. I also did that  because my OCD is/was based a lot on the fear of others getting hurt, so I thought that if I talked about what was going on or if anyone saw, it would somehow be a burden for them to know (WHICH IS COMPLETELY NOT THE CASE, quite honestly, anyone that says your mental disorder is a burden for them is a pretentious asshole, not worth your time, and needs to get the hell out of Ableist Avenue and schedule a long stay at Learn Basic Human Empathy Boulevard ). Shoving my emotions down made everything so so much worse, made me become moldable (my personality melding into what I thought others wanted me to be) and made me feel so empty with a continuous cycles of draining outbursts of emotion. It felt like waves of emptiness while being in something that felt like death and you do not deserve to live in that, so please I beg of you, do not shove this down within you.
You are human, and every emotion you feel is okay. *breaks into I Am Not a Robot by Marina and the Diamonds**. Don’t let people belittle what you feel, because ultimately you know you best, so you know what’s best for you. Another thing I’ve practiced is asking myself why I feel a certain way, not in the way that’s like “YO TALIA WHY ARE FEELING SAD YOU AREN’T ALLOWEDDD”, but moreso like “Hey girl, I know you are feeling this way, and that’s okay. Is there a something going on that propelling this feeling?”. And sometimes there isn’t a reason why, and that’s okay too. But if there is, I try address the problem and see if there’s a way I can help myself heal. It’s okay (and not selfish AT ALL) to check in with yourself and want to find ways to help/want help for what’s going on inside.

*this song has actually really helped me, I really recommend it

• Treat yourself

You are living in a daily warzone, and you deserve rest. Indulge in the things you love and without shame, because you deserve happiness and a bit of sunshine through all this.

• Talk about/express yo feelz

I really really want to emphasize this, because talking about what you are going through brings so much relief. And if you don’t feel comfortable talking about what’s going on, expressing what you feel through art forms like writing, singing, dancing, painting, conceptual photography, and things similar, helps in coping so so much. But please never ever remain completely silent or push what you are feeling deep inside, because you do not deserve to live in the constant drowning of suffering that causes.  It is not a burden for other people to hear about what you are going through. Talking about what’s happening raises awareness, and whoever you are talking with, someone that overhears the conversation, or, if you make art based on what you feel, whoever sees the form of awareness you’ve made, may be going through something similar, and may be inspired to have the same courage you did in speaking up, or feel alot less alone in what they are going through. I know its extremely scary to talk to your friends about what you are going through, but believe me they will be there for you and will not think you are some outlandish being for what you are suffering through. If you don't have someone to talk to, never be afraid to shoot me a DM on instagram ( @taziacira ) or twitter ( @taliatatertot),

• Remind yourself of your glory

I KNOW THIS SOUNDS SUPER CLICHE. But it’s super true/helpful. You are capable of conquering the worst of this. I know it’s hard to believe sometimes though, because us humans are inclined to deprecate ourselves, or not see our beauty because we see ourselves everyday and in turn, become used to what we see, ya know? Doing things like looking in the mirror and saying or thinking “I can do this”  and “I am capable” and “I am beautiful” each morning and throughout the day  really helps to reinforce the I CAN DO ANYTHING mindset. Because you can do anything, and you can conquer this, and I say this with every ounce of earnestness and love and truth.

• Identify when trichotillomania is most likely to happen, and keep your hands busy

The usual times for me are when I’m studying, idle or watching T.V., and/or when something is stressing me out. Usually Trichotillomania occurs simultaneously when OCD happens, as OCD is an anxiety disorder. During these times I try to keep my hands busy through doing something that I really love or I think could help other people, like making bracelets, drawing, making shirts with feminist phrases on it (HECK YEAUUh)and other things of the like.

• Take a moment

I still struggle with OCD and trichotillomania today, and when I am in a moment of either two, I try to stop myself and think: Is this real or really going to happen? and Is this what I really want to be doing right now?. I know sometimes it gets so hard that you can’t detach yourself, but starting small and gradually enforcing asking yourself this  helps out so much. And when you realize OCD or Trich is happening please take a moment to just hug yourself, your mind is going through wars and you deserve so much happiness.

• Find something you love to do, and do more of it

Whether it is making art, doing nude photography, playing sports, or walking your dogs, find something you love to do and do it as much as you can (as long as it’s not harmful to yourself or other people, like lighting trash cans or people on fire or something like that).
It is not selfish whatsoever to do what you love
For me, this comes in the form of writing music, creating feminist conceptual photography, making weird videos, singing, taking walks and having convos with my dogs. And it’s extraordinary because when I am doing those things, I rarely ever feel an inkling of OCD or trich occur, and if I do, I am able to sense  and address it more because I’m so focused on doing what makes me happy. De-stress as much as you possibly can as well, whether it be you doing quick lil thangs like taking some time in the morning to plan out a loose schedule of your day/ just to think about things, or watching youtube videos on self-confidence boosters (Marie Forleo’s channel is AMAZING for these), or bigger ones like getting a couple more hours of sleep or making a diy spa day. 
Also THIS IS AN ODD ONE, if you can’t sleep with the lights off like me, try to get darker colored sheets to put your head under and/or  have a light farthest away from your bed/ a night light (if you can), because your brain very much needs time to relax and the less amount of light near you when you are  in sleepmode will help it do so.

I really hope these help you. I also hope you know that it is completely okay to put your mental health before everything else. Please remember that you deserve to be happy, and that disorders do not define you, and that those things are a small small part of the beautiful, super fucking unique beautiful person that you are.Do not fear yourself or your mind or hate you or your mind because of the OCD and Trich that run through it, please know that every ounce of you is so so glorious. You can get through this because you just working through this is a huge victory and you have to much to be proud of of yourself.

all my love to you, forever and ever and ever (and LETS SPRINKLE IN ANOTHER EVER WOWZA),

t.c.

Relationships and Love (Confusing Things)

Gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh, gosh and bring it back now y'all with one more gosh. 

Lately I've had such a want for a relationship, but not for the status-symbol type of way. Like, the only way I can describe is feeling an emptiness in my heart, like there's something missing. This emptiness doesn't feel like the bad type though, I think it's just a resounding feeling of idleness.
      I don't know, sometimes I just really want someone to experience all the beauty the world has with, to laugh about memes and random ass shit with, to cuddle and hold, to talk about the scary things and the things in the world that need to change, and maybe, ya know like make-out with for 4+ hours.
     But whenever I think of this, I'm also reminded that like yo, I don't need a significant other (as this lil lady is bisexual/pansexual) to do all those things, I can do all those things with myself (except ya know making-out and cuddling, which I mean I suppose I could press my face up against a mirror, but like that really ain't my jam (BUT NO JUDGEMENT IF THAT'S YOURS BBY)). If a relationship happens to happen, that's totally fantastic, but I think it's important to know that it's just as wonderful to do all relationship-ey things with yourself. Why are so many things romanticized as only relationship activities, and when someone does something nice for themselves, like buy themselves flowers or chocolate or take themselves out to a movie, everyone's ableist and pretentious as hell as is like "YOU ARE SUCCCCHHHH A NARCISSIST". Why does society enforce that we have to have someone else to treat us nice, as if we were not allowed to be able to do that for ourselves. Date yourself dammit! It's vital, I think, to love doing those things that society romanticizes as ONLY COUPLE THINGZ (which is super alienating to the ace community too) with yourself before going into a relationship too, so after you get out of a relationship, the memories of it don't corrode the activities y'all did together. I need to learn to love myself and just do me before I share myself with another, because I don't want to lose myself in someone entirely.

I think the synopsis of this whole spiel is that loving another (or others ) is a beautiful thing, but loving yourself is just as important and should have more importance in society, because you deserve to have love for yourself come from yourself because you are the thing that's with you forever, and if marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment of love, why can't we all make a life long commitment of love to ourselves?

This ramble of thoughts has been brought to you by this lady,

all my love to ya, and as always my DMs are always open on Twitter and Instagram if you need to talk (seriously, if you ever need to hit me up), or wanna rant about the kyriarchy.

- t.c,

P.S. BUY A DIAMOND RING, GET DOWN ON THAT KNEE AND SAY "hello myself, let's get married because I am a heck of a load fine inside and out." AND MARRY YOUR LOVELY SELF MM YES

How to Love Yourself When Your Parents Have Selective Empathy

sometimes it's hard to realize your worth when the ones that are supposed to love you are the ones that try to snuff out your light. 

home is supposed to be a safe space for us kids, but with constant criticisms of how our bodies, what we stand for and what we love, it's hard to feel safe and love ourselves for  the extraordinary people we are. 

 Important things to know:
1. (THOUGH I KNOW THIS IS UBER DUPER CLICHE ) What they say says more of themselves than it does of you.
              Often times the reason why MANY people are rude is solely resulting of the fact that these people are sad and insecure with their lives and themselves. I know it's hard to realize too that, like, the only reason why these people are being as such is because of that, because it seems ridiculous. Like, you would think that if you were hurt you would want to ask for help instead of making more hurt in this world. What they are doing is an act of pride and of not wanting to be responsible for their actions. They are spending the precious moments of their life tearing people down, and that, quite honestly, is a very sad existence, ya know? And if we are aware of this, there is a very great chance they are too, which in turn makes them do the things they do.
2. None of this is your fault.
              This relates a whole bootyload of a lot to the previous point. There is no plausible  reason for  members of families to be so cruel, so often times we blame ourselves for their actions, ya know?   Please know that none of what they are doing is your fault because the only reasons they are doing this is because they are sad, dissatisfied with their lives, and jealous of the figure of UTMOST BEAUTY (inside and out) AND TALENT that is YOU my darling. But that does not mean they deserve your pity.
3. You do not owe them your love.
              Blood does not mean loyalty if the ones that you share the same genes with treat you lesser than the great, amazing beautiful RAY OF SUNSHINE you are. I feel like often times we feel like we owe  our love to the people we've spent a lot of time with because society enforces  a rigid ideal of the perfect family, that we in turn internalize to be how things should be,  and, especially with us teenz, we are told in our society that making accommodations for those that spew hatred is just part of being a family. It's perfectly natural and normal to want to please your family despite if they've done awful things; that's just part of being a human being with empathy. But please know that you do not have to please them, your life should be about doing what makes you happy because this life is precious and fragile.
            I hope you  know that you have no reason to feel guilty for not fulfilling what society has told you you have to do, because if these people are causing you more harm than good, they don't deserve your love. Never feel like your angry or frustration or sadness is not valid either, because all those feelings are. Especially if you are caught in a situation in which there is a lot of manipulation-- the parent or family member continuously is hurtful and then makes you believe that you caused them to be that way, that you are hurting them for rightfully being angry at what they've done, that you have no reason to feel the way you feel and/or that they deserve your forgiveness right away because they are your parents-- it's easy to feel like your feelings are invalid and in turn, shove them down. Never feel as though you need to shove

         Parents usually act this way because they were brought up this way, being taught that this was an okay thing to do because their parents did it to them, and in turn are too lazy to change their way of acting. I hate the phrase "We all turn out like our parents" because that's a goddamn lazy way of thinking and living; we all have a choice in how we impact others. Sometimes it's easy to get scared though that you are turning out to be like your parents (I know I do if I feel like I get too angry sometimes) but thing is, you are your own person and we are all our own people and the fact that you are even questioning that shows that you are not like them. You are you.

Here are some things I've learned to do that have helped me a whole lot in the loving myself department after living in this. And remember, it's okay to not be 100% confident 25/7, I know I'm not always. The important thing to remember, I think though, is that you are deserving of self-love BECAUSE YOU ARE THE CAT'S PAJAMAS as the kids say ( is that what the kids say?! I'm an outta the loop teen but ya know what there ain't no shame in that mm no no ). I hope these help you as much as they've helped me:

Remind yourself of how bomb you are: 

aka TREAT YO SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are great, seriously, truly and ultimately, and I know that's hard to realize sometimes but it's an undeniable fact. Every little thought, passion, and dream of yours is unique and that's a beautiful thing and you are beautiful inside and out. These circumstances can make us feel small but please please please know you are bigger than all of this. YOU deserve happiness. 

Reminding yourself of your badass-ness can take on many forms, and doing what makes you happy is not selfish WHATSOEVER LEMME REPEAT, NOT WHATSOEVER.  Some examples of which could be: Taking yourself out to eat, eating a bunch of your favorite food (MY PERSONAL FAV), making art, taking photos of yourself (as we all know, also my fav), running, wearing what you want (because its your body bby) and doing your makeup super fierce ( btw, that's something any gender can do, make-up and clothes are genderless ), masturbating (if that is a part of your sexuality), taking a bath, reading books all the live long day, giving yourself complements on your amazing mind and bod etc. (basically just doing what makes you feel SUPERB). Do what makes you feel like you the most or that makes you feel happy because that's what important and it's all valid and you are allowed to be happy. 

Talk about what plaguing you with someone:  

              The worst thing you can do to yourself is keep all of what you are feeling inside. 

You do not deserve to have be in a constant torment of suppressed emotions that leads to outbursts, with the sticky sludge of desolation and emptiness choking up your mind, trapping you in the doldrums of "I'll never get out of this." 

 If your parent(s) deny their actions, or will not try to understand how you are feeling, ask if you could talk to a therapist. If your parents will not allow you to go to one, never be afraid to share how you are feeling with someone you trust, whether that be a friend, counselor or teacher. Believe me, it helps out a booty-load of a lot. And sometimes it can be really nerve-wracking to share what you are really feeling, or there's this weird resounding feeling of shame but there is no reason to be shameful in your emotions because emotions are beautiful things and they are what make us human beans. I very much believe in silence breeding violence of the mind or body, and this silence spreads. There's a big chance that your friends may be feeling the same way, and by talking about these issues, even though they are hard to talk about, it helps everyone heal. 
                If you do not have anyone to talk to, my email is taliatalks28@gmail.com (iknowigotthatsupercoolemailadress) and if you need to message me on my insta or twitter please feel free to.
If you are in crisis. please call one of these hotlines, please please do. You are worth getting better and feeling better. Here's a few from the list.
US Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-2433
Crisis Text Line: Text SUPPORT to 741-741
National Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663
Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
The Trevor Project (Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention for LGBTQIAPD+ people, you can also text this number) : 1-866-488-7386

Make Something Based on How You Feel: 

This includes ALL TYPEZ OF ARTZ whether that be writing in journal, painting, doodling, singing, writing song lyrics, making music, dancing, taking photos, etc. Getting out all the things you are feeling and channeling them into something really helps your emotional growth and helps you sort through things and know what's going on in your noggin and how to address it because sometimes it can feel like you just don't know what's happening, emotion-wise. A lot of times when people go to make art too there's this feeling of like "who am I to make this art" and if you have that feeling THROW IT IN THE TRASH with all the meninists because everyone is already an artist whether they'd like to believe it or not. Every creation based of emotion is beautiful and valid. 

If you want to throw out the thing you've made, you have every right to do so. 

If you want to, share what you've created. Kinda like how I said up yonder, what you've created might really help someone, because someone somewhere may be feeling just as you are. 

Make a Playlist and SING AS LOUD AS YOU WANT TO: 

Scream-singing or cry-singing to some amazing tunes does the job 100%  of the time for me. Make a playlist of your favorite sad song or rowdy songs (because we gotta get through the sadness to grow ) or dancey songs and sing/dance your heart out (here's a reflective playlist and a dancey one full of my fav tunez if you don't want to make your own). Reveling in these emotions through the music does so much for the soullllll, because music can do magnificent and extraordinary things to us, ya know?

An Introduction

     

         
HEY HI HELLO you lovely person! 
Let me introduce myself  and this lil blog thang. 
My goal for this blog is to highlight all forms of intersectional feminism. 

 To make intersectional feminism and activism the air* everyone breathes.

On this blog,  all aspects of feminism will be discussed through all forms of art. I feel like there's a lack of visibility to so many topics. Guest contributors will also pop up along this blog to discuss things that may be better explained by them or to discuss things that they want to talk 'bout.  I'm so excited to share with y'all.

 Monthly, a print zine will be released with a variety of voices talking about what they want to share to the world and  bring more visibility to. 

discussion brings change. 

silence has suffocated for too long, it’s something no one deserves to live in, and everyone's voices are so important.
we need more visibility, we will have more visibility and I have a firm belief that we help each other through our truth.
it’s time to take over the media with our voices, our passions, our opinions, our love, our activism.
if you’ve  created something you want to show to the world, whether that be photography, art, or any form of writing, that discusses any topic,  email ariazine@gmail.com !

Submissions are due at the 1st of every month.
no censorship. 

let's take over the media. 

all my love to ya, 

t.c.

p.s. you are great and never forget it

*(since Aria means air ya know ALL THE PUNZ WOWZA )