sometimes it's hard to realize your worth when the ones that are supposed to love you are the ones that try to snuff out your light.
home is supposed to be a safe space for us kids, but with constant criticisms of how our bodies, what we stand for and what we love, it's hard to feel safe and love ourselves for the extraordinary people we are.
Important things to know:
1. (THOUGH I KNOW THIS IS UBER DUPER CLICHE ) What they say says more of themselves than it does of you.
Often times the reason why MANY people are rude is solely resulting of the fact that these people are sad and insecure with their lives and themselves. I know it's hard to realize too that, like, the only reason why these people are being as such is because of that, because it seems ridiculous. Like, you would think that if you were hurt you would want to ask for help instead of making more hurt in this world. What they are doing is an act of pride and of not wanting to be responsible for their actions. They are spending the precious moments of their life tearing people down, and that, quite honestly, is a very sad existence, ya know? And if we are aware of this, there is a very great chance they are too, which in turn makes them do the things they do.
2. None of this is your fault.
This relates a whole bootyload of a lot to the previous point. There is no plausible reason for members of families to be so cruel, so often times we blame ourselves for their actions, ya know? Please know that none of what they are doing is your fault because the only reasons they are doing this is because they are sad, dissatisfied with their lives, and jealous of the figure of UTMOST BEAUTY (inside and out) AND TALENT that is YOU my darling. But that does not mean they deserve your pity.
3. You do not owe them your love.
Blood does not mean loyalty if the ones that you share the same genes with treat you lesser than the great, amazing beautiful RAY OF SUNSHINE you are. I feel like often times we feel like we owe our love to the people we've spent a lot of time with because society enforces a rigid ideal of the perfect family, that we in turn internalize to be how things should be, and, especially with us teenz, we are told in our society that making accommodations for those that spew hatred is just part of being a family. It's perfectly natural and normal to want to please your family despite if they've done awful things; that's just part of being a human being with empathy. But please know that you do not have to please them, your life should be about doing what makes you happy because this life is precious and fragile.
I hope you know that you have no reason to feel guilty for not fulfilling what society has told you you have to do, because if these people are causing you more harm than good, they don't deserve your love. Never feel like your angry or frustration or sadness is not valid either, because all those feelings are. Especially if you are caught in a situation in which there is a lot of manipulation-- the parent or family member continuously is hurtful and then makes you believe that you caused them to be that way, that you are hurting them for rightfully being angry at what they've done, that you have no reason to feel the way you feel and/or that they deserve your forgiveness right away because they are your parents-- it's easy to feel like your feelings are invalid and in turn, shove them down. Never feel as though you need to shove
Parents usually act this way because they were brought up this way, being taught that this was an okay thing to do because their parents did it to them, and in turn are too lazy to change their way of acting. I hate the phrase "We all turn out like our parents" because that's a goddamn lazy way of thinking and living; we all have a choice in how we impact others. Sometimes it's easy to get scared though that you are turning out to be like your parents (I know I do if I feel like I get too angry sometimes) but thing is, you are your own person and we are all our own people and the fact that you are even questioning that shows that you are not like them. You are you.
Here are some things I've learned to do that have helped me a whole lot in the loving myself department after living in this. And remember, it's okay to not be 100% confident 25/7, I know I'm not always. The important thing to remember, I think though, is that you are deserving of self-love BECAUSE YOU ARE THE CAT'S PAJAMAS as the kids say ( is that what the kids say?! I'm an outta the loop teen but ya know what there ain't no shame in that mm no no ). I hope these help you as much as they've helped me:
Remind yourself of how bomb you are:
aka TREAT YO SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You are great, seriously, truly and ultimately, and I know that's hard to realize sometimes but it's an undeniable fact. Every little thought, passion, and dream of yours is unique and that's a beautiful thing and you are beautiful inside and out. These circumstances can make us feel small but please please please know you are bigger than all of this. YOU deserve happiness.
Reminding yourself of your badass-ness can take on many forms, and doing what makes you happy is not selfish WHATSOEVER LEMME REPEAT, NOT WHATSOEVER. Some examples of which could be: Taking yourself out to eat, eating a bunch of your favorite food (MY PERSONAL FAV), making art, taking photos of yourself (as we all know, also my fav), running, wearing what you want (because its your body bby) and doing your makeup super fierce ( btw, that's something any gender can do, make-up and clothes are genderless ), masturbating (if that is a part of your sexuality), taking a bath, reading books all the live long day, giving yourself complements on your amazing mind and bod etc. (basically just doing what makes you feel SUPERB). Do what makes you feel like you the most or that makes you feel happy because that's what important and it's all valid and you are allowed to be happy.
Talk about what plaguing you with someone:
The worst thing you can do to yourself is keep all of what you are feeling inside.
You do not deserve to have be in a constant torment of suppressed emotions that leads to outbursts, with the sticky sludge of desolation and emptiness choking up your mind, trapping you in the doldrums of "I'll never get out of this."
If you do not have anyone to talk to, my email is taliatalks28@gmail.com (iknowigotthatsupercoolemailadress) and if you need to message me on my insta or twitter please feel free to.
If you are in crisis. please call one of these hotlines, please please do. You are worth getting better and feeling better. Here's a few from the list.
US Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-2433
Crisis Text Line: Text SUPPORT to 741-741
National Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663
Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
The Trevor Project (Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention for LGBTQIAPD+ people, you can also text this number) : 1-866-488-7386
Make Something Based on How You Feel:
This includes ALL TYPEZ OF ARTZ whether that be writing in journal, painting, doodling, singing, writing song lyrics, making music, dancing, taking photos, etc. Getting out all the things you are feeling and channeling them into something really helps your emotional growth and helps you sort through things and know what's going on in your noggin and how to address it because sometimes it can feel like you just don't know what's happening, emotion-wise. A lot of times when people go to make art too there's this feeling of like "who am I to make this art" and if you have that feeling THROW IT IN THE TRASH with all the meninists because everyone is already an artist whether they'd like to believe it or not. Every creation based of emotion is beautiful and valid.
If you want to throw out the thing you've made, you have every right to do so.
If you want to, share what you've created. Kinda like how I said up yonder, what you've created might really help someone, because someone somewhere may be feeling just as you are.
Make a Playlist and SING AS LOUD AS YOU WANT TO:
Scream-singing or cry-singing to some amazing tunes does the job 100% of the time for me. Make a playlist of your favorite sad song or rowdy songs (because we gotta get through the sadness to grow ) or dancey songs and sing/dance your heart out (here's a reflective playlist and a dancey one full of my fav tunez if you don't want to make your own). Reveling in these emotions through the music does so much for the soullllll, because music can do magnificent and extraordinary things to us, ya know?
There is hope. The thing I want to emphasize the most is that there is hope through all of this. Even though it may not be visible sometimes I think it's apparent in glimmers, ya know? Like in the way your friends laugh or how they love you, how this body holds all the lovely things that are you, how the light of the sunsets highlights the world so beautifully and how the stars make their light shine for thousands of miles so the glory we see of them is only a very small part of what they are. I believe in you and you should believe in you too because you carry so much strength within you; if it seems fragile, it's still there and it;s growing. You will rise above this and already are.
I love you lots,
t.c.
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